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American Horror Story: Coven Recap: Shocknado
Photo Credit: TV Line

American Horror Story: Coven Recap: Shocknado

Oct 23 2013, 10:24pm CDT | by TV Line

Every time you even think about telling yourself that “The Replacements” — this week’s kinktastic American Horror Story: Coven — can’t possibly get any more demented, it does. Not only are we (trick...

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44 weeks ago

American Horror Story: Coven Recap: Shocknado

Oct 23 2013, 10:24pm CDT | by TV Line

Every time you even think about telling yourself that “The Replacements” — this week’s kinktastic American Horror Story: Coven — can’t possibly get any more demented, it does. Not only are we (trick or) treated to not one but two “Oh no they didn’t!” hook-ups, we also get the surprising murder of… Well, you’ll see. Keep reading.

PHOTOS | American Horror Story Season 4 (and Beyond): 7 Possible Premises 

THE OL’ WITCHEROO | The episode opens with Fiona flashing back to 1971 and her merciless assassination of her Supreme (the awesome Christine Ebersole), then in present-day lamenting her fading power and beauty. (Which of course would be more believable if Jessica Lange weren’t the sexiest sixtysomething on the planet!) To add insult to injury, the enchantress is told that, because of her poor health, she’s ineligible for plastic surgery. So, by the time she’s singled out Madison as the next Supreme and taken her under her wing, we’re well and truly set up to think she means it when she asks the movie starlet to stab her. “Kill me for the sake of the coven,” she begs — and then turns the tables on the gullible girl and kills her! “Bury her deep,” she instructs Spalding. “God knows what all that s*** in her body will do to the lawn when it comes up in the spring.” The idea — Madison replacing Fiona! “This coven doesn’t need a new Supreme,” scoffs our one and only, gazing at her would-be successor bleeding on the floor. “It needs a new rug.”

FEELING “HORNY” | To, ahem, “help” Delphine adjust to the modern world — she’s reduced to tears by the discovery that we have an African-American president — Fiona makes her the school’s new maid. (Uniform and all!) But, as you’d expect, “Miss Aryan Sisterhood” balks at the notion of serving Queenie. So Fiona again steps in, informing the human voodoo doll that she now has her own personal slave. What none of them realize at that moment is that Queenie’s new slave comes with a bonus: Delphine draws Marie Laveau’s minotaur to their doorstep. “How the hell is a scary monster a bonus?” you ask. It’s a bonus because, knowing his history, Queenie guesses that he’s a kindred spirit, and instead of try to drive him away, lures him into Cordelia’s shed, diddles herself and breathlessly asks, “Don’t you wanna love me?” (Which, we are given the distinct impression, he does. Yikes! PETA! PETA, where are you when we need you?!)

MOTHER, MAY I SLEEP WITH DANGER? | Upon learning that Kyle’s trashy mother was ready to commit suicide following his demise, Zoe interrupts her would-be beau’s snuggling session with Misty to bring him home. “You can’t just replace me!” Misty yells when not babbling about how Stevie Nicks was never really herself until she found “her tribe.” But replace her, Zoe seems intent on doing. What she doesn’t know — and we are soon horrified to learn — is that Kyle’s mom went so nuts without him because she was so nuts with him. In a truly squirm-inducing scene, she kisses her son in a wholly inappropriate way and then does other things to him that are even less appropriate. (My eyes! My eyes!) By the time Zoe returns to check up on her handiwork, Kyle has bashed his abuser’s head in with a trophy. (May Fiona never consider him as a potential plastic surgeon.)

BABY TALK | Her magical attempt at getting pregnant a failure, desperate Cordelia turns to Marie Laveau for help. There is a spell that will do the trick, Marie says. All it takes is a 2 oz. jar of her husband’s “baby gravy,” a hot pepper, a sacrificial lamb, a new moon and $50,000. (Wouldn’t it be cheaper, less hassle and much kinder to animals to adopt at the next casting call for Teen Mom?) No problem, says Cordelia, even though she has no idea where she’s going to come up with that much money. Oh, but there is a problem, cackles Marie. No way, no how will she perform the spell… because she hates Fiona! (Snap!)

STRIP TEASE | In the hour’s other big plot — though it seems smallish in retrospect, especially in comparison to bestiality, incest, murder and matricide — religious nut Joan (Patti LuPone) and her blandly hunky son, Luke, move in next door to Miss Robichaux’s. “He’s so backed up,” Madison observes (prior to her death, of course), “all I’d have to say is ‘panties,’ and he’d jizz his jeans.” Natch, when she and Nan roll out the welcome wagon, it doesn’t end well. There’s a bit of a fire, and the knife Madison sends flying Joan’s way misses by mere inches. (“She has to work on her aim,” Fiona smirks.) Maybe it’s just as well Madison kicked the bucket: Luke seems to prefer Nan, anyway.

Okay, your turn. What did you think of the episode? Does your jaw hurt from dropping over and over? Hit the comments!


Source: TV Line

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6 days ago

2014 Emmy Awards: Breaking Bad Wins BIG

Aug 25 2014 9:57pm CDT | Source: TV Fanatic

Seth Meyers hosted. Julia-Louis Dreyfus made out with Bryan Cranston. And a lot of past winners were named current winners. Yes, the 66th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards were handed out tonight, with Modern Family once again cleaning up in the comedy category, Sherlock receiving a lot of love and Breaking Bad reminding everyone why many consider it the greatest drama of all-time. We've posted the major winners below and we await your reaction in the Comments section t ...
Source: TV Fanatic   Full article at: TV Fanatic
 

 
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1 week ago

New 'American Horror Story' Season 4 Teaser Shows More Freaks

Aug 23 2014 10:08am CDT | Source: Huffington Post

If you're not ready for things to get ridiculously freaky on "American Horror Story" Season 4, then we recommend you take a moment to prepare. Earlier this week, Ryan Murphy released the first teaser trailer for his upcoming "AHS: Freak Show," which featured a creepy-looking hand. Now the series' creator has released another short teaser via his Twitter, introducing us to another freak. Horror Story Tongue http://t.co/ ...
Source: Huffington Post   Full article at: Huffington Post
 

 
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2 weeks ago

American Horror Story: Freak Show Welcomes World's Smallest Woman

Aug 14 2014 9:16am CDT | Source: TV Fanatic

American Horror Story: Freak Show creator Ryan Murphy announced big casting news via Twitter last night. Well... small casting news, to be more accurate. Jyoti Amge, a member of the Guinness Book of World Records as The World's Smallest Woman, will appear on Season 4 of this FX drama, with Murphy sending out the following photo yesterday of Amge with star Jessica Lange. Due to a condition known as achondroplasia (a bone-growth disorder), Amge stands only 2 feet, .6 inc ...
Source: TV Fanatic   Full article at: TV Fanatic
 

 
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3 weeks ago

Patti LaBelle Cast in American Horror Story: Freak Show

Aug 11 2014 5:10pm CDT | Source: TV Fanatic

Patti LaBelle is about to get Freak-y. According to TV Line, the Grammy-winning artist will appear in four episodes of American Horror Story: Freak Show, portraying the mother of Gabourey Sidibe’s character. The character (unfortunately) will not sing, but will be a local citizen who starts to unravel the murderous secrets of Twisty the clown killer. American Horror Story Season 4 centers on the final freak show in America. It will take place in 19 ...
Source: TV Fanatic   Full article at: TV Fanatic
 

 
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5 weeks ago

'American Horror Story' Leaked Call Sheet Signals Possible Return Of A Past Character

Jul 24 2014 10:04am CDT | Source: Huffington Post

While we know a handful of details about Season 4 of "American Horror Story," there are still a lot of things left to speculation. What we do officially know so far is that "Freak Show" will take place in 1950s Florida at one of the last American freak carnivals, run by a German ex-pat (Jessica Lange). We also know that Sarah Paulson will play a two-headed woman, Dot and Bette. According to a leaked call sheet however, a familiar "AHS" face will appear ...
Source: Huffington Post   Full article at: Huffington Post
 

 
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5 weeks ago

'American Horror Story' Season 4 Is Going Darker

Jul 22 2014 11:55am CDT | Source: Huffington Post

Ryan Murphy's "American Horror Story" series is known for pushing boundaries and scaring the hell out of viewers, and it looks like his latest installment is preparing to pack on the weird. FX CEO John Landgraf attended the TCAs this week and said fans of the show can expect a darker Season 4 than what they saw with "American Horror Story: Coven." “Some years it’s going to be ...
Source: Huffington Post   Full article at: Huffington Post
 

 
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7 weeks ago

American Horror Story Trailer: Welcome to the Freak Show!

Jul 14 2014 6:12am CDT | Source: TV Fanatic

FX has given viewers a ticket to its upcoming Freak Show. The network unveiled the first teaser yesterday for American Horror Story Season 4, which kicks off in October and which will center on Jessica Lange leading a carnival of, well, freaks, in the 1950s. As fans have come to expect, the promo doesn’t feature any actual footage, but instead gives us an idea of just what kind of creepy awesomeness we can expect this fall… angel and clown st ...
Source: TV Fanatic   Full article at: TV Fanatic
 

 
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7 weeks ago

'American Horror Story: Freakshow' Gets A Delightfully Creepy First Teaser

Jul 14 2014 2:09am CDT | Source: Huffington Post

"American Horror Story: Coven" may have raked 17 nominations in the upcoming Emmys, but all eyes are on "American Horror Story: Freakshow" now, with its creepy new teaser released Sunday, July 13. In the 20-second clip, the seemingly innocuous -- but truly ominous -- music we've come to expect from the series sounds, as white wings part on a small stage to reveal a sad blond woman. The camera then shifts to her re ...
Source: Huffington Post   Full article at: Huffington Post
 

 

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