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Late-Night Comedians Have Fun with Government Shutdown
Photo Credit: ABC News Radio

Late-Night Comedians Have Fun with Government Shutdown

Oct 2 2013, 3:04pm CDT | by ABC News Radio

ABC/Randy Holmes(NEW YORK) -- The government shutdown provided plenty of ammo for late-night comedians who took shots at lawmakers in Congress for failing to reach an agreement on a spending bill....

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50 weeks ago

Late-Night Comedians Have Fun with Government Shutdown

Oct 2 2013, 3:04pm CDT | by ABC News Radio

ABC/Randy Holmes(NEW YORK) -- The government shutdown provided plenty of ammo for late-night comedians who took shots at lawmakers in Congress for failing to reach an agreement on a spending bill. Take a look at some of the best punch lines and jokes around the late-night circuit.

Jimmy Kimmel

"What are we doing here? Shouldn't we all be out looting a Best Buy or something? Who wants to start a post-apocalyptic motorcycle gang?"

"To be honest, I didn't notice the government was shut down today. But the 800,000 government employees who had their hours gut or jobs taken away definitely did. But the good news is Congress is still getting paid."

"Meanwhile the Affordable Care Act, also known as Obamacare which is what everyone is fighting over, became available today. Which is good news for the doctor in your family who has to look at everyone's moles at Thanksgiving."

David Letterman

"The United States government, the most powerful country, shut down, not in business…We are like Carnival Cruise on land."

"You know the NSA. The NSA -- out of business. And while they're closed, while the government is shut down, they are asking citizens to please spy on each other."

Jay Leno

"Well, we got the government shutdown, but the beginning of Obamacare. So Obamacare has started. You know what that means? You can now complain to your doctor about the government making you sick."

"I am glad the government has shut down. Think about it. For the first time in years, it's safe to talk on the phone and send emails without anybody listening in."

"Ironically, during the shutdown hundreds of thousands of nonessential employees…will be laid off because of well, because of our non-intelligent employees in Congress." Leno continued, "We do have a lot of nonessential employees… Like the Treasury Secretary. Why is he there? We don't have any money in the treasury."

Conan O'Brien

"You know, almost everyone who's employed at the FCC is not at work today. So, who's up for an all-nude episode of Conan?"

"Due to the government shutdown the beloved panda cam at the National Zoo has gone dark. So now if you want to watch bears have sex, you have to go to the manhole bar in West Hollywood."/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>

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Jimmy Fallon

"They're saying that there are reports that several members of Congress were actually drinking last night while they were debating the bill that could have avoided a government shutdown. See, Congress is just like most Americans because they need to get drunk before they screw people."

Stephen Colbert

"Who needs the FDA? Just send me your drugs. I'll test them for you. For instance, these right here belong to Brenda, my stage manager. I will let her know in 14 days if I ovulate."

"The Environmental Protection Agency, which regulates the quality of our air and water -- they could lose 94 percent of its work force. No EPA? Okay, well, time to dump some old house paint down the storm drain… Sorry, dolphins. You had a good run."

Jon Stewart

"The cable networks were so excited they went around the clock, transitioning relentlessly from countdown clock to be before the shutdown to countdown clock after the shutdown. Because on cable news, this is the demarcation point in history on par with the birth of Christ."

Craig Ferguson

"Crucial agencies like the U.S. Border Patrol are still on the job. That's a good thing. The last thing we need is an influx of Canadians with their politeness and a government that's open every day."

"Closing the National Zoo has me worried. Because without zookeepers those animals will be free to mingle. In a few months we could be looking at something called a croco-potamus. You're welcome, Sy-Fy."

"Pretty soon starving lions and tigers could charge out of the zoo. They'd devour the fattest, dumbest people on Capitol Hill. Actually, that might be the answer all of the problems!"

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Source: ABC News Radio

 
Update
11

3 days ago

Spike TV to air tribute to 'Cops' crew member killed during filming

Sep 15 2014 1:21pm CDT | Source: TV Tattle on Hitfix

Spike TV to air tribute to “Cops” crew member killed during filming The special, airing Saturday, will pay tribute to Bryce Dion, a longtime audio technician with the show. Jimmy Kimmel and Carson Daly sell ABC a comedy loosely based on Daly’s l ...
Source: TV Tattle on Hitfix   Full article at: TV Tattle on Hitfix
 

 
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Celebrities Mourn Joan Rivers On Twitter After News Of Her Death

Sep 4 2014 2:20pm CDT | Source: Huffington Post

Celebrities took to Twitter to express their grief after learning the news of Joan Rivers' death on Sept. 4. She will be greatly missed: Heaven just got a whole lot funnier. #RIPJoan— Andy Cohen (@Andy) September 4, 2014 Thanks for the laughs @Joan_Rivers ! The last woman to bed me!— Lance Bass (@LanceBass) September 4, 2014 RIP Joan Rivers. A force of nature.— Seth Meyers (@sethmeyers) September 4, 2014 we lost a great one in @Joan_Rivers - she was funny all the way to the ...
Source: Huffington Post   Full article at: Huffington Post
 

 
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Chelsea Clinton exits NBC News The former first daughter had been reportedly making $600,000 for doing very little actual work. Some “Friends” fans were upset with Jennifer Aniston’s reaction to Jimmy Kimmel’s reunion They didn’t ...
Source: TV Tattle on Hitfix   Full article at: TV Tattle on Hitfix
 

 
Update
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3 weeks ago

Social Scoreboard: Wednesday, August 27

Aug 28 2014 2:18pm CDT | Source: Lost Remote

“Big Brother” garnered over 60,000 tweets on Wednesday night, by 19,000 unique Twitter users. “So You Think You Can Dance,” and “America’s Got Talent” were neck in neck, according to Nielsen’s Social Ratings, with 40,000 and 32,000 tweets respectively. Nick Cannon’s “Wild’n'Out” and Jimmy Kimmel rounded out the Top 5 for Wednesday. New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media. ...
Source: Lost Remote   Full article at: Lost Remote
 

 
Update
7

3 weeks ago

'Friends' ladies indulge Jimmy Kimmel with role-playing

Aug 28 2014 12:58pm CDT | Source: USATODAY

It's always nice to see some familiar "Friends"...especially these. Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox and Lisa Kudrow get together for a mini-reunion on Jimmy Kimmel's show. But the ladies were having none of Kimmel's fan-fiction plot.          ...
Source: USATODAY  Full article at: USATODAY
 

 
Update
5

3 weeks ago

Morning Static: FRIENDS, GLEE, THE SOPRANOS & More!

Aug 28 2014 7:19am CDT | Source: the TV addict

• Watch: Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, Lisa Kudrow and Jimmy Kimmel in “Friends” • Funny Business: Mindy Project Casts Shonda Rhimes (Yes, Shonda Rhimes) to Play [Spoiler] • On the Record: David Chase Offers Response to ‘Tony Soprano Didn’t Die’ Article • Dream Team: FX Orders a Clown Comedy Starring Zach G ...
Source: the TV addict   Full article at: the TV addict
 

 
Update
4

3 weeks ago

Jimmy Kimmel recreates 'Friends' with Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox and Lisa Kudrow

Aug 28 2014 1:32am CDT | Source: TV Tattle on Hitfix

Jimmy Kimmel recreates “Friends” with Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox and Lisa Kudrow Kimmel “spent” $80,000 building an exact replice of the Rachel and Monica’s apartment so that his “Friends” fan fiction dreams could come true. Shonda Rhimes to ma...http://www.hitfix.com/blogs/ ...
Source: TV Tattle on Hitfix   Full article at: TV Tattle on Hitfix
 

 
Update
3

3 weeks ago

Ryan Seacrest too busy for the Emmy red carpet

Aug 25 2014 5:36pm CDT | Source: TV Tattle on Hitfix

Ryan Seacrest too busy for the Emmy red carpet The Monday Emmys meant a Seacrest-less E! red carpet this year. Seacrest, who worked this morning on his radio show, was too busy to work the Emmy red carpet this year. PLUS: Jimmy Kimmel took the subway to the Emmys, and Hayden Panettiere ...
Source: TV Tattle on Hitfix   Full article at: TV Tattle on Hitfix
 

 
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2

5 weeks ago

Late Night Hosts Continue to Impress in This Week’s Top 5 Viral TV Clips

Aug 8 2014 10:00am CDT | Source: Lost Remote

In this Friday’s installment of our partnership with 5by, the video discovery platform that curates the web’s best viral videos, we take a look at the top five videos of the week from the platform’s TV category. Trending this week is Conan O’Brien getting his hair done by ‘Orange is the New Black’ star Laverne Cox and John Oliver taking on the ubiquity of native advertising. For more on the videos selected, The ...
Source: Lost Remote   Full article at: Lost Remote
 

 
Update
1

7 weeks ago

Eric McCormack Stars In The 'Will & Grace' Spinoff That Has To Happen

Jul 31 2014 9:07am CDT | Source: Huffington Post

"Will & Grace" is back! Sort of ... It has been years since the comedy series went off the air, but now "Will & Grace" is finally getting the spinoff it deserves. Eric McCormack is returning to reprise his role as Will in the show, and something tells us he is really loving his new co star. Watch the trailer above. "Jimmy Kimmel Live" airs wee ...
Source: Huffington Post   Full article at: Huffington Post
 

 
 

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