11 Updates
Late-Night Comedians Have Fun with Government Shutdown
Photo Credit: ABC News Radio

Late-Night Comedians Have Fun with Government Shutdown

Oct 2 2013, 3:04pm CDT | by ABC News Radio

ABC/Randy Holmes(NEW YORK) -- The government shutdown provided plenty of ammo for late-night comedians who took shots at lawmakers in Congress for failing to reach an agreement on a spending bill....

Filed under: news

YouTube Videos

 
 
 

1 year ago

Late-Night Comedians Have Fun with Government Shutdown

Oct 2 2013, 3:04pm CDT | by ABC News Radio

ABC/Randy Holmes(NEW YORK) -- The government shutdown provided plenty of ammo for late-night comedians who took shots at lawmakers in Congress for failing to reach an agreement on a spending bill. Take a look at some of the best punch lines and jokes around the late-night circuit.

Jimmy Kimmel

"What are we doing here? Shouldn't we all be out looting a Best Buy or something? Who wants to start a post-apocalyptic motorcycle gang?"

"To be honest, I didn't notice the government was shut down today. But the 800,000 government employees who had their hours gut or jobs taken away definitely did. But the good news is Congress is still getting paid."

"Meanwhile the Affordable Care Act, also known as Obamacare which is what everyone is fighting over, became available today. Which is good news for the doctor in your family who has to look at everyone's moles at Thanksgiving."

David Letterman

"The United States government, the most powerful country, shut down, not in business…We are like Carnival Cruise on land."

"You know the NSA. The NSA -- out of business. And while they're closed, while the government is shut down, they are asking citizens to please spy on each other."

Jay Leno

"Well, we got the government shutdown, but the beginning of Obamacare. So Obamacare has started. You know what that means? You can now complain to your doctor about the government making you sick."

"I am glad the government has shut down. Think about it. For the first time in years, it's safe to talk on the phone and send emails without anybody listening in."

"Ironically, during the shutdown hundreds of thousands of nonessential employees…will be laid off because of well, because of our non-intelligent employees in Congress." Leno continued, "We do have a lot of nonessential employees… Like the Treasury Secretary. Why is he there? We don't have any money in the treasury."

Conan O'Brien

"You know, almost everyone who's employed at the FCC is not at work today. So, who's up for an all-nude episode of Conan?"

"Due to the government shutdown the beloved panda cam at the National Zoo has gone dark. So now if you want to watch bears have sex, you have to go to the manhole bar in West Hollywood."/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>

Unfortunately your browser does not support IFrames.

Jimmy Fallon

"They're saying that there are reports that several members of Congress were actually drinking last night while they were debating the bill that could have avoided a government shutdown. See, Congress is just like most Americans because they need to get drunk before they screw people."

Stephen Colbert

"Who needs the FDA? Just send me your drugs. I'll test them for you. For instance, these right here belong to Brenda, my stage manager. I will let her know in 14 days if I ovulate."

"The Environmental Protection Agency, which regulates the quality of our air and water -- they could lose 94 percent of its work force. No EPA? Okay, well, time to dump some old house paint down the storm drain… Sorry, dolphins. You had a good run."

Jon Stewart

"The cable networks were so excited they went around the clock, transitioning relentlessly from countdown clock to be before the shutdown to countdown clock after the shutdown. Because on cable news, this is the demarcation point in history on par with the birth of Christ."

Craig Ferguson

"Crucial agencies like the U.S. Border Patrol are still on the job. That's a good thing. The last thing we need is an influx of Canadians with their politeness and a government that's open every day."

"Closing the National Zoo has me worried. Because without zookeepers those animals will be free to mingle. In a few months we could be looking at something called a croco-potamus. You're welcome, Sy-Fy."

"Pretty soon starving lions and tigers could charge out of the zoo. They'd devour the fattest, dumbest people on Capitol Hill. Actually, that might be the answer all of the problems!"

Copyright 2013 ABC News Radio/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>/>

Source: ABC News Radio

 
Update
11

1 week ago

Jimmy Kimmel's New Dating App Is Guaranteed To Find Your Perfect Match

Oct 9 2014 11:16am CDT | Source: Huffington Post

It's time to swipe left on those other dating apps. Nowadays, you can find a dating app tailored to every different body type and interest, but recently Jimmy Kimmel introduced a newcomer that's about to change everything. This revolutionary app guarantees you'll find a perfect match and eliminates all the fear associated with online dating. Don't believe us? Just check out the video. You ...
Source: Huffington Post   Full article at: Huffington Post
 

 
Update
10

2 weeks ago

Aziz Ansari talks feminism, Beyonce, racism and more

Oct 7 2014 3:43pm CDT | Source: USATODAY

The 'Parks and Recreation' star stopped by David Letterman's talk show on Monday night.       Related StoriesWatch Jimmy Kimmel ask people who Joe Biden isDailyDish: All hail ‘The Carlton’ on ‘Dancing With the Stars’!Kathie Lee ...
Source: USATODAY  Full article at: USATODAY
 

 
Update
9

2 weeks ago

Watch Jimmy Kimmel ask people who Joe Biden is

Oct 7 2014 2:49pm CDT | Source: USATODAY

The results are less than impressive.       Related StoriesDailyDish: All hail ‘The Carlton’ on ‘Dancing With the Stars’!Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb cause wrestling ruckusJimmy Fallon and will.i.am rap about all things 'Ew!'  ...
Source: USATODAY  Full article at: USATODAY
 

 
Update
8

2 weeks ago

Jimmy Kimmel Confirms Every Suspicion You've Ever Had About Pot Smokers

Oct 1 2014 11:33am CDT | Source: Huffington Post

If you want to know the Speaker of the House, you're out of luck, but if you're asking who's the star of "Big Momma's House," well, that's a different story. Jimmy Kimmel says the marijuana industry is getting more involved in the political process, so he was curious to see if everyday pot smokers pay enough attention to make a positive impact. To find out, Kimmel s ...
Source: Huffington Post   Full article at: Huffington Post
 

 
Update
7

3 weeks ago

Dance Moms Season 4 Episode 31 Review: Where in the World is Abby Lee Miller?

Oct 1 2014 2:47am CDT | Source: TV Fanatic

Welcome to Sunny Los Angeles! The time has finally come for Nationals and the girls are set to compete at Intensity Dance…but not before some big announcements and a dance off. After taking her time to marinate on Dance Moms Season 4 Episode 30's 45-second solos, Abby reveals who is destined to dance at Nationals. There will be two group routines, one from the Select Ensemble and one from the Elite Competition team. Abby emphasizes the Se ...
Source: TV Fanatic   Full article at: TV Fanatic
 

 
Update
5

3 weeks ago

How many ways can you tell same Situation joke? Jimmy Kimmel finds out

Sep 26 2014 6:40pm CDT | Source: Digital Spy

Jimmy Kimmel pokes fun at news coverage of The Situation's tax fraud indictmen ...
Source: Digital Spy   Full article at: Digital Spy
 

 
Update
4

4 weeks ago

Miss America Was Kicked Out Of Her Sorority For Hazing: Jezebel

Sep 22 2014 2:17pm CDT | Source: Huffington Post

On paper, Miss America 2015 Kira Kazantsev reads like a forward-thinking person's dream of what a beauty queen could be. She's a trilingual honors student who's publicly passionate about women's health and down to clown with Jimmy Kimmel; she's got a squeaky-clean image and a squeaky-clean resume. But it's missing one unflattering detail. In late April 2013, Jezebel has learned, Kazantsev and a friend ...
Source: Huffington Post   Full article at: Huffington Post
 

 
Update
3

4 weeks ago

Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting Reveals How She Found Out About Her Nude Photo Leak

Sep 21 2014 10:08am CDT | Source: TV Guide

For Big Bang Theory star  Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting, getting a Google alert about naked photos is a common occurrence. But she says she had to act fast earlier this month when she found out that, this time, the pictures were real. "I totally have Google Alerts that come to my phone, so anything that my name pops up it comes to my phone because I'm, like, obsessed. I need to know what's going on," teh actress explained to J ...
Source: TV Guide   Full article at: TV Guide
 

 
Update
2

5 weeks ago

Spike TV to air tribute to 'Cops' crew member killed during filming

Sep 15 2014 1:21pm CDT | Source: TV Tattle on Hitfix

Spike TV to air tribute to “Cops” crew member killed during filming The special, airing Saturday, will pay tribute to Bryce Dion, a longtime audio technician with the show. Jimmy Kimmel and Carson Daly sell ABC a comedy loosely based on Daly’s life Daly, who once was Kimm...http://www. ...
Source: TV Tattle on Hitfix   Full article at: TV Tattle on Hitfix
 

 
Update
1

6 weeks ago

Celebrities Mourn Joan Rivers On Twitter After News Of Her Death

Sep 4 2014 2:20pm CDT | Source: Huffington Post

Celebrities took to Twitter to express their grief after learning the news of Joan Rivers' death on Sept. 4. She will be greatly missed: Heaven just got a whole lot funnier. #RIPJoan— Andy Cohen (@Andy) September 4, 2014 Thanks for the laughs @Joan_Rivers ! The last woman to bed me!— Lance Bass (@LanceBass) September 4, 2014 RIP Joan Rivers. A force of nature.— Seth Meyers (@sethmeyers) September 4, 2014 we lost a great one in @Joan_Rivers - she was funny all the way to the end— ...
Source: Huffington Post   Full article at: Huffington Post
 

 
 

blog comments powered by Disqus

Latest stories

IPad Air Giveaway 2014 is Online
IPad Air Giveaway 2014 is Online
Our sister site I4U News is giving away a brand new iPad Air or if you can wait an iPad Air 2. This is an $499 value.
 
 
Most Popular TV Series of 2014
Most Popular TV Series of 2014
The most popular TV series released in 2014 include such incredible shows as True Detective and Fargo.
 
 
True Blood Arrives in its Wacky, Sexy Final Season
True Blood Arrives in its Wacky, Sexy Final Season
The vampire series True Blood has arrived in its wacky final season. Director Stephen Moyer and his wife Anna Paquin, who played Sookie, also pose 'Nude' for the cover of Entertainment Weekly.
 
 
Game of Thrones: Maisie Williams Discusses Last-Minute Changes in Season 4 Finale
Game of Thrones: Maisie Williams Discusses Last-Minute Changes in Season 4 Finale
Maisie Williams, who plays Arya in The Game of Thrones recently discussed some last-minute changes in the popular series.
 
 
 

Latest from the Network

European Champions League standings
Paris, Oct 22 (IANS) Following are the European Champions League standings for Groups E to H after Tuesday's matches (tabulated under matches played, won, drawn, lost, goals for, against, points), according to Xinhua...
Read more on Sport Balla
 
Rogerio set to break Giggs world record
Rio de Janeiro, Oct 22 (IANS) Sao Paulo goalkeeper Rogerio Ceni is one victory away from earning his fourth Guinness World Record by eclipsing a mark held by Manchester United legend Ryan Giggs. The 41-year-old will...
Read more on Sport Balla
 
Ryan Reynolds can't keep his hands off Blake Lively
Ryan Reynolds was ''really sweet'' to Blake Lively at the Angel City Ball. The couple, who got married in September 2012, made their first red carpet appearance together in New York City on Monday night (10.20.14) since...
Read more on Celebrity Balla
 
Kris Jenner doesn't know who Bruce Jenner is dating
Kris Jenner has ''no idea'' whether Bruce Jenner is dating her best friend. The 58-year-old reality TV star, who split from the Olympic gold medallist last October after 23 years of marriage, claims she doesn't know if...
Read more on Celebrity Balla
 
When Rihanna dressed like 'Harry Potter'
New York, Oct 22 (IANS) Singer Rihanna was spotted here in a Harry Potter style costume. She wore the wizard-like get-up while heading for a business meal here Monday, reports mirror.co.uk. The 26-year-old combined a...
Read more on Celebrity Balla
 
Germany raises humanitarian aid to Iraq
Berlin, Oct 22 (IANS) Germany has pledged a further 20 million euros (about 25.5 million dollars) in humanitarian aid to Iraq, the foreign ministry said in a statement Tuesday. The additional funds are immediately...
Read more on Politics Balla
 
India calls on Israel, Palestine to resume peace process
United Nations, Oct 22 (IANS) India has called upon Israelis and Palestinians to resume the peace process as "dialogue remains the only viable option" to address the issues confronting the region. In a brief statement...
Read more on Politics Balla
 
Airstrikes help ground forces fight IS: Pentagon
Washington, Oct 22 (IANS) Kurdish forces are in control of the majority of the Syrian city of Kobane despite efforts by the Islamic State (IS) to take the town, a spokesperson for US defence department said Tuesday....
Read more on Politics Balla
 
Palestine, Israel urged at UN to halt unilateral initiatives
United Nations, Oct 22 (IANS) UN Secretary-General Ban Ki- moon Tuesday called on Palestine and Israel to overcome differences and halt unilateral initiatives that fuel mistrust, so as to pursue long-term stability in...
Read more on Politics Balla
 
China urges Israel to create conditions for peace
United Nations, Oct 22 (IANS) Chinese government has called on Israel to create necessary conditions for the resumption of peace talks with Palestine. At an open debate of the Security Council on the situation of the...
Read more on Politics Balla